Post by dexmax on Nov 14, 2008 8:25:27 GMT 8
>
> >Anak: Itay, ano kaibahan ng confident sa confidential?
> >Itay: Anak kita, CONFIDENT ako dyan. Yung bespren mong
> si Tikboy, anak ko
> >rin, CONFIDENTIAL yan.
> >
> >Panchito: Vitamins ko ABC -- Alak, Babae at Cigarette.
> >Babalu: Ako naman DEF -- Damo, Egg at Frutas.
> >Dolphy: Ako, from A to Z. Alma to Zsa Zsa.
> >
> >Anak: Inay, totoo ba na "First love never
> dies?"
> >Nanay: Aba, oo. Tignan mo yang Tatay mo, hanggang
> ngayon buhay p a ang
> >animal!
> >
> >Mrs 1: Suko na ako sa mister ko, lagi na lang ako
> binubugbog bago
> >niroromansa...
> >Mrs 2: Mas grabe yung mister ko. Binubugbog ako tapos
> si Inday ang
> >niroromansa.
> >
> >
> >Anak: 'Nay, tinutukso po ako ng kalaro ko na anak
> ako sa labas!
> >Nanay: Hindi totoo 'yan, anak. Ang sabihin mo sa
> kanila, ampon ka!
> >
> >Papaano mo sasabihin ng buong galang sa kausap mo na
> bad breath siya na
> >hindi mao-offend?
> >Ganito: "Mawalang galang na po... tae po ba ulam
> nyo kanina?"
> >
> >MADRE: Ano ang apelyido mo, iho?
> >SAKRISTAN: Alam nyo na ho yun sister, lagi nyo po yun
> hinahawakan.
> >MADRE: Susme! Bayag ang apelyido mo?!
> >SAKRISTAN: Sister naman, Rosario po.
> >
> >
> >PUPIL: Mam, bumubukol po ba ang utot?
> >TEACHER: No! Definitely not! Kasi hangin lang yun!
> Remember, hindi
> >bumubukol ang utot...
> >PUPIL: Naku patay! Tae na to!
> >
> >Lumindol ng malakas noon...
> >Nagkagulo ang lahat at nag panic!
> >Sumigaw ang isang lalaki..."Katapusan na!
> Katapusan na!"
> >sumagot ang isa pang lalaki... "Tanga! Akinse pa
> alang!"
> >
> >pano mo malalaman kung mayaman na yung bumbay?
> >dalawa na nakasakay sa motor.... driver niya yung isa.
> >
> >TINDERO: Sir bili na kayo ng kurtina!
> >ERAP: Sige, bibili ako para sa computer ko!
> >TINDERO: Bakit po para sa computer?
> >ERAP: Haler! May Windows din kaya yun!
> >
> >PARI: Ang gustong magbigay ng donasyon sa simbahan,
> TUMAYO pagtugtog ng
> >organ. Sige iho, tugtog na.
> >ORGANISTA: Ano po ang tutugtugin?
> >PARI: Pambansang awit, iho.
> >
> >Mag-asawa having sex...
> >HUSBAND: Honey, mag dirty talk ka naman para ganahan
> ako!
> >WIFE: Ahhh...nuts! Basuraaa... Kanal... Taeee...
> Oooh... Patay na dagaaaa!
> >
> >Lalake: Taksil! Baog ako, paano ka nabuntis? Sinong
> ama? Ang kaibigan kong
> >kadyo? Si Pekto? Kaibigan kong si Ador?
> >Babae: Puro kaibigan mo! Kaibigan mo! Bakit wala ba
> akong kaibigan!?
> >
> >Aaylenay,
> >Olinay,
> >Olisam,
> >Olismray,
> >Ranyonmergin,
> >Manerenchay,
> >Oliimansotennernmay,
> >Sliminemenlimis,
> >Sliminemenlimis,
> >("Silent Night" ng ngongo, try mo!)
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D- I-A-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie. .... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog.
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking
when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.
THIS IS WHAT SAD LOOKS LIKE
THIS IS WHAT SORRY LOOKS LIKE
This is what bad spelling looks like
This is what intimacy looks like
This is what deaf looks like
This is what stupid looks like
This is what "oops!" looks like
This is what your tax dollars look like
This is what McBurndt looks like
This is what "I can wait" looks like
This is what a Nightmare looks like
This is what a blonde's car looks like
This is what"I thought your husband
was out of town" looks like
>
>>
>> Following the problems in the financial sector in the UK, uncertainty
>> has now hit Japan.
>>
>> In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly
>> up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.
>>
>> Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and
>> will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were
>> suspended after they nose-dived.
>>
>> While Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja
>> Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black.
>>
>> Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts
>> report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it
>> is feared that staff may get a raw deal.
>>
>> Oh yes, and the Karma sutra bank is f****d
> >Anak: Itay, ano kaibahan ng confident sa confidential?
> >Itay: Anak kita, CONFIDENT ako dyan. Yung bespren mong
> si Tikboy, anak ko
> >rin, CONFIDENTIAL yan.
> >
> >Panchito: Vitamins ko ABC -- Alak, Babae at Cigarette.
> >Babalu: Ako naman DEF -- Damo, Egg at Frutas.
> >Dolphy: Ako, from A to Z. Alma to Zsa Zsa.
> >
> >Anak: Inay, totoo ba na "First love never
> dies?"
> >Nanay: Aba, oo. Tignan mo yang Tatay mo, hanggang
> ngayon buhay p a ang
> >animal!
> >
> >Mrs 1: Suko na ako sa mister ko, lagi na lang ako
> binubugbog bago
> >niroromansa...
> >Mrs 2: Mas grabe yung mister ko. Binubugbog ako tapos
> si Inday ang
> >niroromansa.
> >
> >
> >Anak: 'Nay, tinutukso po ako ng kalaro ko na anak
> ako sa labas!
> >Nanay: Hindi totoo 'yan, anak. Ang sabihin mo sa
> kanila, ampon ka!
> >
> >Papaano mo sasabihin ng buong galang sa kausap mo na
> bad breath siya na
> >hindi mao-offend?
> >Ganito: "Mawalang galang na po... tae po ba ulam
> nyo kanina?"
> >
> >MADRE: Ano ang apelyido mo, iho?
> >SAKRISTAN: Alam nyo na ho yun sister, lagi nyo po yun
> hinahawakan.
> >MADRE: Susme! Bayag ang apelyido mo?!
> >SAKRISTAN: Sister naman, Rosario po.
> >
> >
> >PUPIL: Mam, bumubukol po ba ang utot?
> >TEACHER: No! Definitely not! Kasi hangin lang yun!
> Remember, hindi
> >bumubukol ang utot...
> >PUPIL: Naku patay! Tae na to!
> >
> >Lumindol ng malakas noon...
> >Nagkagulo ang lahat at nag panic!
> >Sumigaw ang isang lalaki..."Katapusan na!
> Katapusan na!"
> >sumagot ang isa pang lalaki... "Tanga! Akinse pa
> alang!"
> >
> >pano mo malalaman kung mayaman na yung bumbay?
> >dalawa na nakasakay sa motor.... driver niya yung isa.
> >
> >TINDERO: Sir bili na kayo ng kurtina!
> >ERAP: Sige, bibili ako para sa computer ko!
> >TINDERO: Bakit po para sa computer?
> >ERAP: Haler! May Windows din kaya yun!
> >
> >PARI: Ang gustong magbigay ng donasyon sa simbahan,
> TUMAYO pagtugtog ng
> >organ. Sige iho, tugtog na.
> >ORGANISTA: Ano po ang tutugtugin?
> >PARI: Pambansang awit, iho.
> >
> >Mag-asawa having sex...
> >HUSBAND: Honey, mag dirty talk ka naman para ganahan
> ako!
> >WIFE: Ahhh...nuts! Basuraaa... Kanal... Taeee...
> Oooh... Patay na dagaaaa!
> >
> >Lalake: Taksil! Baog ako, paano ka nabuntis? Sinong
> ama? Ang kaibigan kong
> >kadyo? Si Pekto? Kaibigan kong si Ador?
> >Babae: Puro kaibigan mo! Kaibigan mo! Bakit wala ba
> akong kaibigan!?
> >
> >Aaylenay,
> >Olinay,
> >Olisam,
> >Olismray,
> >Ranyonmergin,
> >Manerenchay,
> >Oliimansotennernmay,
> >Sliminemenlimis,
> >Sliminemenlimis,
> >("Silent Night" ng ngongo, try mo!)
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D- I-A-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie. .... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog.
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking
when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.
THIS IS WHAT SAD LOOKS LIKE
THIS IS WHAT SORRY LOOKS LIKE
This is what bad spelling looks like
This is what intimacy looks like
This is what deaf looks like
This is what stupid looks like
This is what "oops!" looks like
This is what your tax dollars look like
This is what McBurndt looks like
This is what "I can wait" looks like
This is what a Nightmare looks like
This is what a blonde's car looks like
This is what"I thought your husband
was out of town" looks like
>
>>
>> Following the problems in the financial sector in the UK, uncertainty
>> has now hit Japan.
>>
>> In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly
>> up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.
>>
>> Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and
>> will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were
>> suspended after they nose-dived.
>>
>> While Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja
>> Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black.
>>
>> Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts
>> report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it
>> is feared that staff may get a raw deal.
>>
>> Oh yes, and the Karma sutra bank is f****d
