Jokes

[dexmax]

> Usapan ng dalawang mayabang...
> Tomas: Ang galing ng aso ko! Tuwing umaga, dala niya ang dyaryo sa akin.
> Diego: Alam ko.
> Tomas: Ha? Paano mo nalaman?
> Diego: Ikinukuwento sa akin ng aso ko.
>
> Josh: Kumusta ang assignment?
> Ricardo: Masama. Wala akong nasagutan. Blank paper ang ipinasa ko.
> Josh: Naku, ako rin! Paano 'yan? Baka isipin nila, nagkopyahan tayo?!
>
> Dok: May taning na ang buhay mo.
> Juan: Wala na bang pag-asa? Ano po ba ang dapat kong gawin?
> Dok: Mag-asawa ka na lang ng pangit at bungangera.
> Juan: Bakit, gagaling po ba ako ru'n?
> Dok: Hindi, pero mas gugustuhin mo pang mamatay kesa mabuhay!
>
> Gustong malaman ng magkaibigan kung may basketbolan sa langit.
> Nagkasundo sila na kung sino ang unang mamatay ay babalik upang sabihin
> kung may basketbol sa langit. Naunang namatay si Dado.
> Isang gabi, may narinig na boses si Rodel na parang kay Dado.
> 'Ikaw ba 'yan, Dado?' usisa ni Rodel.
> 'Oo naman!' tugon ni Dado.
> 'Parang hindi totoo!' bulalas ni Rodel. 'O,ano, meron bang basketbol sa langit?'
> Sagot ni Dado, 'May maganda at masama akong balita sa 'yo. Ang maganda,
> may basketbol doon. Ang masama... kasali ka sa makakalaban namin bukas!'
>
> Different prayers of single women...
> At Age 15: Lord, give me SuperMAN.
> At Age 18: Lord, give me a cute MAN.
> At Age 20: Lord, give20me the best MAN.
> At Age 30: Lord, give me a good MAN.
> At Age 40: Lord, give me a MAN.
> At Age 50: Lord, give me sinoMAN.
> At Age 60: Lord, maawa ka naMAN.
> At Age 70: Lord, kaya ko pa naMAN.
> At Age 80: Lord, kahit hipo MAN lang.
>
> Misis: Hindi ko na kaya 'to! Araw-araw na lang tayong nag-aaway Mabuti
> pa, umalis na ako sa bahay na 'to!
> Mister: Ako rin, sawang-sawa na! Away rito, away roon!
> Mabuti pa siguro, sumama na ako sa 'yo!
>
> Advantage at disadvantage ng may-asawa...
> ADVANTAGE: 'Pag kailangan mo, nandiyan agad.
> DISADVANTAGE: 'Pag ayaw mo na, andiyan pa rin!
>
> What is the difference between a girlfriend, a call girl
> and a wife?
> Sagot: Post paid, pre paid, unlimited.
>
> Do you know INNER ROW?
> What is INNER ROW?
> Inner Row is the month that comes before Pibrerow, Marsow, Abril, Mayow...
>
> Sa isang classroom...
> Titser: Class, what is ETHICS?
> Pilo: Etiks are smaller than ducks.
> Titser: Okey, that duck will lay an egg in your card.
>
> Juan: Pare, noong mayaman pa kami, nagkakamay kaming kumain. Ngayong
> mahirap na kami, nakakutsara na.
> Pedro: Baligtad yata?
> Juan: Mahirap kamayin ang lugaw, pare!
>
> Anak: Itay, nagpapatanong si ma'am kung ano raw ang propesyon mo.
> Itay: Sabihin mo, cardiologist.
> Anak: Ano po ba ang cardiologist, Itay?
> Itay: 'Yung tagaayos ng radio sa car!
>
> Umuwi si mister nang 4:00 AM at nakita niya ang kanyang
> misis na may katalik na lalaki sa kama .
> Misis: (sumigaw) SAAN KA GALING?!
> Mister: Sino 'yang katabi mo?
> Misis: GRABE KA! HUWAG MONG IBAHIN ANG USAPAN!
>
> Rodrigo: Bakit bad trip ka?
> Harry: Nagtampo sa 'kin ang utol ko.
> Rodrigo: Bakit naman?
> Harry: Nakalimutan ko kasi ang birthday niya..
> Rodrigo: 'Yun lang? Anong masama ru'n?
> Harry: Ang masama ru'n... twins kami! Twins!

[super daloydoy!! tiiraa tooo!!]

Subject: Kids Are Quick




TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D- I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this kid)
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
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TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

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